By: Ryan Duenkel

As I stood on the sideline, watching my teammates sprint around the field- laughing and screaming while playing the game I love, I sat on the sideline, questioning my passion for lacrosse. Five surgeries in, would I ever feel like myself again? When would the pain go away?

Ever since I picked up a lacrosse stick in third grade, I was hooked. The fast-paced action of play combined with finesse and athleticism makes the game exhilarating. As I grew older, my skills sharpened, and for a brief moment, I had the honor of being named the number one player in the nation. That recognition only fueled my desire to push myself even further. But then, injuries got in the way. Instead of spending hours on the field honing my craft, I found myself away from the game that I love, working tirelessly just to get back on the field.

I came into UVA having 3 hip surgeries and one shoulder surgery. This fall, as a first year, I had another hip surgery making that 5 surgeries in total. Each surgery has brought an excess of motions. Everyday is a constant challenge of rehab going smoothly, or days where I am regressing in my recovery. At my darkest moments, I have thoughts of taking my own life, which leads to me isolating myself and pushing away the people I have love most. To an outsider that might seem outrageous, but living the majority of days in chronic pain is a whole different challenge mentally.

Finding faith has been a turning point in my life. Through church, I’ve gained a supportive community, reshaped my perspective on life, and deepened my connection with our Lord and Savior. When lacrosse was taken away from me, I hit rock bottom because I had built my identity around it. But faith has shown me that lacrosse is just something I do—not who I am. For nearly 600 days, I wasn’t a lacrosse player. But I was still Ryan. And that had to be enough.

I have always thought God works in mysterious ways, and he sure does. When I am in immense pain, I put my faith and hope in Jesus Christ knowing that this suffering all has a purpose that one day I will be able to comprehend.

 Romans 8:18 “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us”

Looking back I am very thankful for these lessons learned from my injuries: sometimes progress will feel nonexistent, but pain doesn’t heal instantly and answers aren’t always clear. Real growth will come from trusting the process, even when nothing seems to be helping. Consistency is just as important as patience. It's easy to fall into monotony, but on tough days, pushing through proves your strength.

Life on this earth is very short, but eternity is very long. I am grateful that God removed something I once idolized and, in doing so, drew me closer to Himself—the true God of the universe. While I still struggle with not playing and watching my teammates every day play the sport I love, I have a firm foundation on Jesus Christ, something that can never be taken from me. I have peace and a deep sense of trust, knowing that these injuries are part of God’s greater plan for my life, even if I can’t see it yet.